WARNING: TMI Random Pregnancy Thoughts - June

Why is my belly getting hairy?

Was that a kick or a fart...

*farts*

It was a fart.

Today Tiny Human farted so bad, Daddy Chrissy wanted to throw up. Why do I find this sooooo funny!?

I miss jogging.

Random person (all the time): can you feel the baby kicking?

Me: no, the placenta is right at the front, so I won't be able to feel things until he is older.

Random person (now with a sad face): aw no flutters or anything.

Me: nope 

Me walks away wondering if my baby is dead... move Tiny Human, move!

Sometimes I get puffed rolling over in bed.

I have a theory. You aren't prescribed iron supplements because you need iron but because iron supplements do weird things to your poo. This prepares women for the fun poo you get from your new born baby!

I get Chrissy to put my socks on at night. He has to be careful because I involuntary kick out when someone touches me feet. Then i take them off 10 minutes later because i start to overheat. Love you Chrissy.

Is this hemorrhoids? Do i have hemorrhoids?

*Consults Dr Google*

Yep, that is what hemorrhoids are. Yuk!

What that a kick? Did I feel you Tiny Human? Do it again!!

OMG when did I get so fat! I feel like a pregnant Kim Kardashian without the fancy wardrobe and face contorting.

Aw peeing the middle of the middle of the night sucks because I have to get up, but Tiny Human loves it. I think he enjoys having more room to play and dance.

Why is my belly getting hairier?!

*5:30 in the morning, Tiny Human is dancing. I grab Chrssy's hand*

"Urrrgh" says Chrissy not relinquishing control of his own hand.

"Feel the baby... did you feel it.. did you huh? huh?"

Mallex, is Mallex a nice name? Sorry, Tiny Human, you still have no name. Daddy continues to call you Barry. Leah and Tara want to call you James... to me you are Tiny Human or "weird parasite that is oddly growing inside me and living off my body".

My scary hairy legs

Once upon a time I shaved my legs every week.

I loved for them to be so smooth they squeak.

Then the frequency changed to each fortnight as I got older,

And honestly less when the weather was colder.

When pregnancy started, I didn't want to let myself go.

Turns out it was much harder than I thought though.

Vomit and fatigue don't demand that legs be nice too,

So soon my leg hair was long, this is true.

As the sickness subsided, my will to have nice legs returned,

It was time to shave, this I feel I had earned.

On a Saturday morning, when there was plenty of time,

I wanted to to cut the forest before it was long enough to climb.

With no bathtub in our house, shaving means sitting on the shower floor,

It is far from comfortable but it is the best I have behind the shut door.

All lathered up, with a fresh new razor in hand, I got started.

But half way through, it hit me and I was suddenly disheartened.

You see, the shaving was the easy part, what came next was the test...

How do I do get off the shower floor? My new dilemma had me stressed.

For Chris I called out "Chrissy! Chrissy!" until he came to my rescue.

He giggled at my problem then realised the issue too.

My body is big and clunky and no longer bends the way the it used to

And a slipping over in the wet on my bottom is a real fear too.

Chrissy held out his big arms to lift me, but didn't want to get wet,

So when I standing I gave him a big slippery hug he wouldn't forget.

The moral of this story is that until Tiny Human is outside my body,

My leg hairs will be long and gaudy.

So if you see the forest down to my toes,

Try not to get scared, that is just how pregnancy goes.

Another sick baby girl

It seems as if carla, our bunny was feeling left out. She saw all the attention her sisters were getting and so developed a hernia. This was okay said the vet on sunday. They could do surgery in a week or so, there was no urgency. All good.

Then Monday morning happened.

Carla had been kept inside in our rather large laundry space because of the weather. This meant that i could smell something was not right before i saw it... bunny blood.

Now you might question if the invalid cat got the bunny. But this is not a possibility as it is the cat that is fearful of the bunny. Not the other war around.

I couldn't see where the blood was coming from just that it was on Carla's tummy, feet and nose. Oh and the floor.

No work for me this morning, i thought. Off to the vet.

They shaved her and said there is no injury but the blood is probably coming from the bladder. My choices were #1 go home with anti biotics for a uti which she may or may not have or #2 get a urine sample which involves ultra sound and sedation and costs me $700.

They were the actual choices but i heard this #1 take her home and how she gets better but we don't really know. She could just die. Or #2 pay an amazing amount of money for pee to find out what is actually wrong worth the fat bunny.

I went with option 2. Not that it helped. There seemed to be no real reason for the bleeding but it was likely coming from the bladder. The performed the hernia surgery and pushed her guts back in.

A few hours later i had a slightly sedated bunny, a bag full of medications and a bill for $1400.

My misaligned pelvis

 So it turns out I have a misaligned pelvis and it is causing me pain. I was grateful that my midwife was able to make a referral the physio and a week later I had an appointment. My lovely physiotherapist watched me walk and bend and stretch and then felt around to find the pain. We found it. Spot in the middle of my vagina. That made the diagnosis easy - I have Symphysis Public Dysfunction.

Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) is a condition that causes excessive movement of the pubic symphysis, either anterior or lateral, as well as associated pain, possibly because of a misalignment of the pelvis. Most commonly associated with pregnancy and childbirth.

What this means is the area where the pelvic bone comes together at the vagina is angry with me. The bone is joined by tendons and ligaments. When the Symphysis pubis (SP) is angry it is because the bones are not sitting neatly next to each other but are grating or moving separately.

The hypothesis is that my my wonky leg has caused me gait to me out of alignment and this was fine until the hormones of pregnancy softened my ligaments and the SP was unable to hold itself to together.

This means that when I walk to much, open my legs or roll over in bed, I have pain. It makes me say "ow" out loud. Chrissy comes and helps when I say "ow". Thanks Chrissy xx

The physio has given me exercises that I may not be doing every day, but should. The exercises are designed to strengthen my butt so that my can hold my hips better and walk like a normal person - as much as a pregnant lady can.

I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day :( 

Rubbing the belly

When people stop and rub my belly, I want to glare at them like they are smelly.
I don't because I am nice, but if they do it again I might think twice!
Yes there's a baby, so grow your own maybe!
Sure it's amazing, that doesn't mean you have to touch the thing.

They want to share in the joy, and get excited that it is a boy.
Would they be less excited with a girl? I often say with a snarl.
Congratulations they say. I never really have a response on the day.
The truth is my eggs are fertile, and Chris' sperm are good projectiles.

Whilst person one was touching me, person two asked nicely.
I said no, I don't like it. That made person one feel weird, I bet.
I'm sorry I don't want you to touch, it's just that I don't like people much.
Nothing against you or you. My mum would get the same response too.

I am more than happy to whinge all day, about pregnancy, that's okay.
I can share the bad times, talking about vomit is a practiced line.
But my body is for me, I'm not even that keen on sharing it with Tiny Human you seen.
I'm pretty anti-social in most situations so I have no touchy aspirations.

Soooo, next time you want to touch a belly, question yourself fully.
Would like I someone to rub my fat? Or touch my belly right back?
Did I ask if it was okay, to invade that person's space today?

Again, it's not about you, I am the same with everyone, it's true.

Random Pregnancy Thoughts - May edition

Sweaty, sweaty, sweaty sweat! Ew so much sweat! 

Random person: you do have that glow.

Me: don't be fooled by my layer of sweat.

I've read constipation can be a symptom of pregnancy, but honestly I have never been regular!

You know you are hormonal when you get all inspired and teary listening to Bliss N Eso's "Addicted". Seriously check out the lyrics, they are inspiring!

I think I passed that stage where people look at me and are not sure if I am fat or pregnant. Yep, it's a baby.

A boy! How do I name a boy? So much responsibility. It has to be cute when they are a baby and cool for when he is a teen but also appropriate for when he is a CEO of a huge company. Arg! 

Will there come a time when I won't be able twist enough to wipe my own butt? Is this a thing? Do other people worry about this?

I try to do my pelvic floor exercises when I pee. Damn do I get angry with myself when I don't it to 10 counts! Come on pelvic floor, I don't want to be wearing diapers at 8 months pregnant because I sneeze too much!

I love that i can wear all the dresses that were reserved for "flat stomach days". Now i want to draw attention to my belly poking out! Yay new wardrobe!

I miss the sweaty days. Now I swear I have turned into a snake, I am shedding my skin like I am preparing to grow more. Guess what scalp, it is not attractive to shed your entire layer skin in chunks (yes chunks, not flakes) every day!

Random work person: oh I didn't realise you were pregnant.

Me: yeah, I just presume everyone knows because I complain so much.

I think I fart more than I breathe.