Indigestion is a bitch

Indigestion is a bitch
Like a high school snitch
You can't hit him, he's smaller than us
So you yell and scream and cuss.

Indigestion go away
I can't operate on no sleep everyday
Sitting and sleeping are not meant to combine
And sleep is a dear friend of mine.

Indigestion, I hate you so much
Insert metaphor about unrequited crush
It's the same evil pain in the chest
That keeps you awake without any rest.

Indigestion you are not welcome,
Like a smell not knowing where it's coming from
Hunting for a way to make it disappear
With no power to make it leave here.

Indigestion please be no more
I don't even understand why you're here for
Well, I know the medical reasons
But I don't care for this feelings.

Update: Tiny Human is not so Tiny

At almost 36 weeks we were more than ready to know what the birthing plan was going to be.

The ultrasound would be the way to find out which part of my body, Tiny Human would first see.

Yep, there's the cervix says the technician and here is the placenta they are quite ordinary.

No need for a planned Cesarean, vaginal birth is a safe option, but wait there's more she says merrily.

Here's his head, his tummy and his leg... any issues with diabetes or complications? No definitely.

It turns out there is nothing to be concerned about, well other than the size of the not so small baby.

He is a little on the larger size, on the 91st percentile, already like 3.5 kilos amazingly.

From now on the Tiny... well more like Little Human will continue to grow you see.

He will put on fat at a rate of 200g per week, that is what worries me.

But he is in the right position, healthy and normal. A healthy, normally fatty baby he will be.

Random Pregnancy Thoughts: August

Me: poking Chris in the arm to get his attention "Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy!"

Chris: ignoring me, assuming I have nothing of interest to say.

Me: "Chrissy!!!!!" I continue to poke him whilst he ignores me! "Chrissy guess what?!"

Chris: tries to go on ignoring me.

Me: *thinking there is no way Chris is going to win this war* upgrades to poking Chrissy's ribs "Chrissy guess what?!"

Chris: "What?"

Me: *thinking woohoo I won* "Want to know how I wash my feet?!"

Chris: "not really" and goes back to his book.

Me: "In the shower I get the loofah and put soap on it... then I drop it on the floor and use my other foot to rub it on my foot."

Chris: unimpressed "That's lovely darling".

Why do my stretch marks hurt? Are they supposed to?

Me: waking up in the morning... "Chrissy I need a hug"

Chris: moving towards me "you want a hug?" 

Me: starts crying

Chris: "aw darling is it because Pene did a big poo?"

Me: "I don't know why" cries into Chris' clothes

So I was getting dressed for work when I went to choose some shoes. I pushed my feet into them. They seemed a bit snug... hmmmm, I thought, I have heard about people getting swollen feet... maybe my feet are a bit swollen. Oh well. A few hours later I was sitting at my desk with my shoes off. I went to get a cup of tea and planned to put my shoes on to walk to the kitchen. Alas, my feet had other plans. There was no squishing my feet back into the shoes... so for the rest of the day I was shoeless. No one gets cranky and mentions WH&S to the crazy shoeless pregnant lady, they just let her get her tea.

So, my ring doesn't fit anymore. Yeah, that same ring that falls off in the winter months... it is too small for my fatty-mcfatty fingers! 

Getting ready for work decisions tree...

Do I have to see any clients or go to important meetings today?

Yes: wear proper clothes

No: wear track pants and hoodie

The man gave me back my change and $1 coin fell on the floor. I just stood there and looked at it. Perhaps it would magically fly into my hand... ah yes it does fly into my hand (with help from the man picking it up and placing it into my hand). No joke, I was ready to walk away from that $1.

As told to me by a friend...

Male doctor: women tend to like to pamper themselves and splurge in the last trimester with a pedicure. They like their toes to look nice.

Any female: ah... well it is probably because they can't reach their feet anymore to even trim their nails.

I now look at my size 10E bras and wonder how I ever fit into something so small!

If my boobs could stop growing now, that would be great.

Everyone ever: how are you feeling?

Me: fat

Everyone ever: oh no... you aren't fat... you're pregnant... you look lovely... yeah pregnant.

Me: ah... yeah pregnant and fat. (Seriously I am fat. I am okay with it, no need to try to make me feel better, but yeah unless the baby is partly in my arms, thighs and boobs... there is some fat going on there.)

Everyone ever: how much longer to go?

Me: seven weeks

Everyone ever: (with shocked look on face looking at how huge I am). Wow not long to go now!

Me: no, it is ages!