Chrissy and his Tiny Human

"Big Tara looks pregnant" said Chrissy, as he pokes my tummy at the girls' bedtime. It is stretching like there really is a Tiny Human in there.

"How many weeks are we Chrissy?" I ask thinking he won't know.
"15, i mean 17 because next week is 18 and we get to find out the sex."
"Yeah," I say, "But our scan isn't until the weeks after."
"Aw" says Chrissy.

"OMG Chrissy, I have a stretch mark, it's beginning." I say pointing to a little red mark on my belly. "You have to rub oil on me every night now."
"I don't even like rubbing oil on myself, I don't want to rub it on you."
"Tough luck," I reply "you will do it."

"Chrissy get me [insert thing I want]..."
"No, I'm busy." He replies.
"It's for the baby..."
"Aw!" He says as he gets me my thing.

"What's wrong daddy?" Says Little Tara.
"I'm sleepy" says Chrissy, "At night time mummy likes to put her hand on my face and laugh and scream in her dreams and it keep me up.
"Oh, because of the baby?"

"Did you fart?" says Chrissy to me, as if he has to ask!
To Little Tara: "mummy is always farting because of Tiny Human. Tiny Human likes to fart and it comes out of mummy."
"Really?" says Little Tara giggling.

"I finally chose my pram." I tell Chrissy.
"Maybe we don't need a pram you can just carry the baby everywhere. That seems cheaper."

We stop at the petrol station and I make no effort to get out.
"I have to fill the car up, don't I?" says Chrissy.
"Yes, for the baby." I tell him.
"I don't think the baby has anything to do with the petrol" He says begrudgingly getting out of the car. "This baby is asking a lot".
"Yeah well, I have to grow it, I need to make life hard for you to balance it out. That is why you need to get the petrol."